


Back to Black

by author_abz



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, name on wrist soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 22:18:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17537363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/author_abz/pseuds/author_abz
Summary: Nate's had a name on his wrist since he was twelve. But no one knows that Nate actually knows who his soulmate is.Well - one person knows. But he and Nate both pretend they don't know what's on the other's wrist.





	Back to Black

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello! First off a giant apology to the world - this fic came into my house and stole my lunch money, so I had to write it. That's basically it.
> 
> A giant thank you to my wonderful betas, springsteen, tigris45, and the one, the only, my beloved ashleyisfriendly. Without them this fic would be worse. Of course, in the end all the bad things are still my fault because you can't tell me anything, really. Title from the song because I'm bad at titles and the lyrics got stuck in my head.
> 
> Please enjoy.

Nate’s had a name on his wrist since he was twelve - not an indistinct cloud or fuzzy image. That in itself is pretty strange - even sappy romcoms only ever have their main characters start out with clouds that shift into a name during the wedding scene at the end. Not very many people know Nate has something more specific than a speckled blotch on his wrist - he hasn’t admitted it to anyone who asked since he was thirteen. But no one knows that Nate actually _knows_ who his soulmate is.

Well - one person knows. But he and Nate both pretend they don’t know what’s on the other’s wrist.

\---

Nate’s draft day is the kind of thing little kids dream about - first overall to a club where legends played, and they’re ready to do great things again - and he’s an integral part. It’s all pretty overwhelming from start to finish, and he doesn’t have the energy to even fathom how long he’s been doing media interviews when someone tells him the time later. His wrist had been twinging on and off all day, but he doesn’t realize it until he starts to undo his wrist-guard for his shower late that night when it hurts again. He resolutely doesn’t look at it until he gets out of the shower and has his pajamas on - and he breathes out a huge sigh of relief when he sees the name is still there. He’d thought since he now has to move to Colorado, the life change would make the name fade or disappear.

The name is actually darker and more defined than it was this morning. Nate lays down on his bed, just staring at his mark until he gently traces the letters with his finger and goes to sleep.

\---

Everyone in the NHL wears a wrist-guard - even a lot of the guys who are married wear one, because whether your mark solidified or disappeared at your wedding is incredibly personal. The waterproof guard Nate wears for practice and games is standard issue, but the athletic mesh parts make him nervous, and he’s glad to see at least one of the other guys in the locker room has a customizable one. The Avalanche have a customized team branded one they offer him, but it’s the same as the standard issue, just with burgundy and blue fabric instead of black. He orders a black custom one, wears it for a week and then confidently orders five more just the same. He’s sure that he’ll be wearing them full time, even at home, and he doesn’t need his wrist smelling gross.

\---

Of all of Nate’s new teammates, he becomes friends with Tyson Barrie the quickest - even before they start rooming together on road trips. Talking to Tyson is easy, and laughing with Tyson is even easier; they spend several full days in each other’s company each week, and somehow, Nate never gets bothered by Tyson’s presence. Even when they’re annoyed at each other, it doesn’t make Nate want to hang out without him.

There had been other Tysons on some of Nate’s other hockey teams, so he doesn’t think much of it, glad to be jiving well with the rest of the team and Tyson in particular.

Even when they kiss and grope each other in a hotel room after a game they both get points in, the idea doesn’t occur to Nate. It wasn’t the first time he had gotten intimately physical with one of his teammates - and he doesn’t really think it’ll be the last. He doesn’t think much at all. All he knew was that Tyson tasted intoxicating, and when Tyson suggested they continue once they were back in Denver, Nate agreed wholeheartedly, kissing Tyson resolutely before they both drifted off to sleep, a promise of more to come.

\---

Playing hockey with Tyson is great, sex with Tyson is fantastic, but becoming best friends with Tyson Barrie is life-changing for Nate. The NHL is grueling as a rookie, but he has someone with him - they’re both in the same boat. Talking through hockey, about being away from their families, or figuring out their living situation, Tyson’s there, and he gets it, and everything works with him there. Even talking in front of the cameras is easier - mostly because Tyson talks more, but it doesn’t escape him that their media team puts him and Tyson together for better content.

It just makes him smile and roll his eyes because it does work. He doesn’t worry as much with Tyson around, and he can always count on him to have his back - whether they’re on the ice, in front of an interviewer, or trying to talk to girls at a bar.

It’s not like Nate hasn’t been close friends with occasional benefits with guys from his other teams, but everything clicks better and faster with Tyson. He doesn’t think about that at all, because he doesn’t question a good thing. Nate doesn’t have to work for his relationship with Tyson, and it’s a nice change from everything else in his life.

They don’t call each other best friends from the start, but pretty soon the label is out there on social media, and a whole bunch of other places, and when it’s brought up to him, he’s more than happy to agree with everyone else, because it’s true.

\---

It’s not until Nate takes off for Nova Scotia the first summer that it really hits him - several months without Tyson. It sucks for all the normal reasons - he’s at home instead of still playing hockey when June comes around, but when he takes his wrist-guard off one night and stares at the letters standing out against his skin, his stomach lurches uncomfortably. _It’s not supposed to happen this soon_ , he thinks, _I can’t have met my soulmate yet_. But even as he thinks it, his heart aches and he knows.

Nate doesn’t really sleep that night, even once he turns off the lights and climbs into bed. By the light filtering through his window he traces the letters on his wrist one by one, over and over. T - y - s - o - n. They’re all a little crooked and too close together, but he can see Tyson’s personality there, and touching it makes him feel closer. And thinking of Tyson he also knows in his heart that eventually the name will have to fade away. 

It has to - Nate doesn’t see another option. They’re hockey players, and no matter what Tyson says or jokes - Nate knows he’s great, and he won’t stand in the way of Tyson’s success and happiness. Tyson deserves a big fat contract, a big house, someone to care for him and have kids with - and that isn’t Nate - it can’t be. Thinking about how much he wants that for Tyson - even more than he wants it for himself, really seals the deal on any second-guesses Nate has about whether his Tyson is the right Tyson.

After not sleeping, Nate walks around the house most of the day with his wrist-guard off. He falls asleep on the couch late that afternoon, waking up to a call from Tyson. They chat about their days and their workouts and diets and travel plans, and Nate forgets about the name on his wrist. When they hang up, he slips his wrist-guard back on out of habit and falls into bed, falling asleep easily.

\---

The next few years go by mostly the same way. Nate and Tyson both put hockey and their friendship first. And with those going well, they date a few different girls. They help each other pick up when they go to the bars, but at some point they only meet each other’s girlfriends after they’ve been dating a couple of weeks. Nate suspects that Tyson’s also had a few boyfriends over the years, he’s just never been officially introduced to them - which is a good thing. The one guy that has stuck around longer than even a few of Tyson’s girlfriends has always gotten under Nate’s skin - not because he’s a bad guy (even if he can be a real dick sometimes), but because he’s so jealous and he can never turn that feeling off.

It’s not a feeling he gets for any of Tyson’s girlfriends, just with the guys Nate’s imagined Tyson’s gone out with, and guys he knows he’s gone out with. In the long run it doesn’t matter, because no one is ever going to see the name imprinted on his wrist or the name he suspects is on Tyson’s wrist. Even though it bothers Nate, in his head it’s all right, because Tyson is the _only_ guy for him. He knows he’d never hook up with another guy, knows that the part of him interested in guys is hopelessly, forever in love with Tyson, and he’s fine with a little jealousy. He’s set that part of his heart apart, so marrying a woman can never shift how Nate feels about Tyson.

Now though, they have houses close together in the same neighborhood, and girlfriends they really like. Both of their girlfriends have blank wrists, which has always been a bit of a relief for Nate, that Jenna had never pressured him to look at his wrist because she never expected to find herself there. And it was ideal, having someone without a mark, as someone who had a clear name, because there’s never any competition with a scenic or cloudy mark waiting to transform into a soulmate’s name - for them they’d both be wiping the slate clean in any future they had together.

The same was true for Tyson and his girlfriend (even though _technically_ Nate didn’t know whether Tyson had a name or a blob on him - even though he did know), except Mary had told them in drunken, heartbroken detail about the name she had on her wrist through high school. It was a girl’s name, and even though she never met her, she knows that Rachel, her soulmate, was ashamed and punished for having a girl’s name on her wrist, she could feel it all through her wrist. She described the pain she’d felt second-hand during that time - her mark going dark and almost vanishing in quick succession, and then the excruciating pain when she was eighteen and the name disappeared for good. 

Nate had commented that he didn’t know marked soulmates could have a connection like that before they met, and she had scoffed at him, “No one knows anything about name-marked soulmates they’re so fucking rare. But I had her, and I couldn’t find her to help her - I could have gotten her out,” she cries into Tyson’s shoulder.

Nate’s thought about that night a little too often since then - wondering whether he and Tyson were connected emotionally like that (maybe they never noticed because they were so much on the same wavelength, he thinks), and wishing he had spent that night with Tyson. Except Tyson had taken care of Mary, comforting her and taking her home, because he’s a good boyfriend who loves his girlfriend. Just like Nate loves Jenna and tries to be a good boyfriend.

When they talk about the future it feels real and possible, and Nate gets excited about it - kids and different summer vacations and hopefully all-star break ones too. Plus, Jenna and Mary are good friends, and they’ve mentioned almost in passing the two-couple trips they can take, regardless of whether they stay on the same team. (Neither Tyson or Nate respond to that comment - it’s always awkward with Tyson and the rumors constantly swirling - and Nate doesn’t need anyone to know about the off-the-record discussions he’s had with the front office about how invaluable Tyson is. Enough people have speculated as it is, no one needs to know how he had to stop himself marching into Tyson’s arbitration hearing and undoing his wrist-guard.)

Jenna and Mary talk about raising kids at the same time, not that far away for support and playdates, and Nate and Tyson agree that’s part of the reason their houses are so close. (Nate’s memory doesn’t paint it exactly that way, mostly he remembers wanting more than anything to stay as close to Tyson as possible.)

Everyone is on the same page, and Nate and Tyson have even talked about how it feels weird, but good, to be in committed relationships, close to having kids. Somehow that discussion leads to them having sex later that night, and Tyson stays in Nate’s bed until the next morning. When they get up, they get ready no differently from when they were road roommates, except Tyson is wearing last night’s rumpled clothing. Before they leave, Nate pulls him into a deep kiss while they’re still in his room. When they let go, making their way out the door, everything is back to normal. 

So the next week when Nate asks Tyson, “Do you think I should propose to Jenna?”

Tyson answers, “Yeah, of course, if you want to.” Nate nods at him and after a moment’s hesitation, Tyson asks, “Do you think I should propose to Mary?”

He shrugs and looks at his feet, “If you want to, yeah.”

“Okay,” Tyson grins slowly, “First one to propose wins.”

Laughing, Nate asks, “Wins what?”

But Tyson just shrugs, smiling. “Anything.”

\---

They don’t decide on an official prize, but Nate still shops for engagement rings online and gets his sister’s advice (and then his mom’s and then Gabe’s advice) on what one to buy. He’s pretty sure his sister calls Jenna to know for sure, but regardless he picks out a ring, and before he goes to pick it up, Mary corners him with pictures and printouts of engagement rings for him to help Tyson choose for her. He thanks her, takes the papers, and calls Tyson from the car, laughing, telling him to meet him at the jewelry store.

At the end of of the day, Nate walks out with a ring, and Tyson’s put one on reserve. They end up back at Nate’s house, cracking open a celebratory beer, and Tyson says, “So we’re really doing this.”

Nate shrugs, unconsciously stepping closer to him. “They have to say yes first.”

Tyson laughs, big and bright, and suddenly they’re kissing and deftly undressing each other.

They don’t talk about how it’ll have to stop soon when they get married, or think, again, about asking whether their girlfriends know what they do. Instead, they just lay with arms wrapped around each other, Tyson as the big spoon until he says, voice croaky, “Game tomorrow, I gotta go.” They disentangle from each other slowly, and once Tyson’s dressed, Nate grabs him before he leaves the room, kissing him deeply. Tyson leans into him, but when they break apart he extracts himself easily. “See you tomorrow.”

Once Tyson’s gone, Nate meanders his way back through his house, his german shepard Cox coming up to follow behind him. He finishes the room temperature beers he and Tyson had started, and grabs the ring box from where he’d left it on the counter, realizing that he has to hide it and that he has to come up with a plan to propose. He walks randomly through the house, hoping the right hiding spot will jump out at him, but eventually he just sticks it in his recently emptied travel backpack since they’re home for the rest of the week at least.

Unencumbered by the ring, he goes back downstairs, letting Cox out and proceeding to play with and pet him for a solid thirty-five minutes or more before he decides it’s time for a shower. He strips his wrist-guard off first, tossing it into the laundry basket with his clothes and pulling a clean one out of the closet. It’s pretty worn, the fabric getting thin in places with a latch that no longer works every single time. He thinks about replacing it soon as he sets it on the sink with his towels, but stepping under the water he realizes he won’t need a new one after he’s married.

Even under the shower spray it feels odd not wearing his guard, his entire wrist exposed, but the name is just as black as always on the underside of his wrist, and it’s the one thing that doesn’t feel weird. The handwriting is different from when he was a kid, the letters neater and a little larger. A lot of people who only have fuzzy clouds or half of an incomplete picture like to brag about how much their wrist mark changes, saying how boring it must be to have just a name that never changed. Except now Nate knows - his one name does change, never in color, but in how bold or defined or easy it is to read, fuzzy lines or not. So he knows that the letters are constantly changing, evolving with the handwriting of his soulmate, making sure that the person’s name is still right.

Nate showers on autopilot, but as he reaches out to turn off the water his eye catches on the name on his wrist. He’s basically already decided to just go the fancy dinner route to propose, and knows it’s going to fade away until it disappears. It was dark and clear when he got into the shower, but as he stares at it he’s convinced it’s getting lighter. He traces the letters and they’re still extremely sensitive to the touch, but he keeps tracing to prove it’s still there - that it’s still real.

The sound of a door closing downstairs jolts him out of his reverie and he turns off the shower abruptly. By the time Jenna’s upstairs, his wrist guard, boxers, and sleep shirt are on, and he’s messing up the blankets on the bed.

\---

Nate stalls on making the dinner reservation for a month, but when he does, everything goes according to plan. Jenna says yes, and the next day at morning skate EJ fines him for getting engaged during the season. The room erupts in laughter, jeers, and congratulations, and Tyson tells him that he won, since Tyson hasn’t proposed yet. It’s a good day on the ice and an even better game, and through the next week of games they only lose one in overtime. 

On their next off day, Tyson sends Nate a picture of his living room and kitchen, absolutely full of flowers and lit candles leading to what must be either the ring box or a plate of cookies. He asks, “Too much?” and Nate laughs out loud before texting back, “Perfect.”

At practice the next day Nate sees Tyson push money into EJ’s hand, EJ grinning toothlessly at him. Nate tells Tyson congratulations and he means it. He’s sure that Tyson means it when he thanks him, saying he’s kind of excited to start a family alongside Nate.

That evening when they land and Nate’s safely locked away in his own hotel room, he takes off his wrist-guard for the first time since he got engaged. There’s still a very clear name written on his wrist, but the relief that the name’s still there is mixed with the dread of how pale the letters are. It reminds him of when as kids everyone would draw their own pretend marks on their wrists with marker that gradually washed away. But he pokes the letters gingerly and they still react, and he focuses on how even if they’re pale, the letters are still written clearly, their edges defined.

Unconsciously, he thinks to himself, _He’s still mine._

\--

The rest of the season goes well, putting them in a good playoff spot they end up taking advantage of. They make it into the third round of playoffs before losing soundly in game seven. Interviews while they clean out their lockers are hard enough, but Nate knows that as he and Tyson pack up, Jenna and Mary are out around Denver finalizing wedding details. It seems really quick to him, but they’ve both managed to organize the small Denver-based weddings all of them want for late in the coming summer - Nate and Jenna’s date the weekend before Tyson and Mary’s.

If he thinks about it too long he gets itchy and uncomfortable, which only makes the interviews even more awful than before. In reality they last maybe an hour overall, with the whole day lasting a few hours more, but it feels like eternity once he reaches his car. He goes to stand in front of Tyson’s car door, and Tyson doesn’t even have to look up. “We’re going to Dairy Queen.”

On any other day this wouldn’t do much for Nate - he usually tries to object, but today he happily hops into the car with Tyson. They make small talk in the car - which reporters were there, what Sakic might do over the summer, and what their summer workout plan entails. On the way to the nearest Dairy Queen, Tyson actually makes a detour to avoid driving down a street where the florist is located, and they don’t bring up weddings or wedding planning, but its absence is noticeable. 

Tyson orders both his and Nate’s blizzards before Nate can say anything. Of course it’s not the blizzard combination he would choose for himself (oreo), but Tyson order off-menu for a delicious blizzard that perfectly complements Tyson’s cookie dough when they each steal spoonfuls. It’s not even that Nate likes cookie dough, more that he likes knowing he’s the only person allowed to steal Tyson’s ice cream. Every time Tyson looks down at his phone to text, Nate slowly takes a spoonful, making sure he sees it.

When Nate’s done with his blizzard they head back to the car, even though Tyson’s is melting with several spoonfuls left in the cup. Tyson drives and Nate raps and sings along to every song that comes on the stereo, intently focusing on song lyrics, so he doesn’t notice they’re at Tyson’s house until he pulls into the driveway, explaining, “The girls’ll get your car later.” Nate just nods and follows Tyson inside, trying not to think again.

Then Tyson is pushing Nate up against the door slowly, his hands creeping under his shirt, and when he kisses him, he doesn’t think at all. They melt into each other, and even as every cell in his body cries out wanting Tyson, they move slowly up the stairs, kissing slowly, practically basking in each other, only taking off one piece of clothing at a time. When they bump into Tyson’s bed they’re both already hard, rutting against each other, Nate’s boxers around his ankles. Nate has one hand behind Tyson, teasing his hole, the other around one of his legs to pull him closer and give himself better access.

Panting and kissing at Nate’s neck, Tyson pulls away after Nate pulls a finger torturously slowly out, “Lube.” 

He pauses a second, then nods, pushing Tyson’s boxers down and kissing him thoroughly before moving to grab lube from the nightstand, ignoring the box of condoms next to it. Tyson’s splayed out on the bed, smiling, and the sight takes Nate’s breath away. So instead of immediately popping the cap on the lube, he stretches out over him, peppering his body with kisses, only getting to the cap on the lube once he’s traced back to his lips.

Nate and Tyson have done this so many times they only need touches on an arm or leg and an affirmative grunt to keep going. They’ve definitely had chatty hookups, dirty talk and hockey talk and more, but not this time. There’s actually not many chances to talk; every time their mouths get close enough to kiss, they do. When Tyson’s ready, he grabs onto Nate’s left arm just below his wrist-guard and says, “You have to fuck me hard,” but when Nate smirks in response, his grip tightens. “Harder than that. We have to.”

And Nate nods, hearing what Tyson’s saying in his soft, annoyed, panting voice. He doesn’t make Tyson wait for it or thrust first, smoothly fucking into Tyson as soon as he’s lined up. Nate’s never denied Tyson anything in bed and isn’t starting now, thrusting as hard and fast as he can into him over and over again. It’s really, really good, but he wants more, even as he’s bent over Tyson, stealing kisses and telling Tyson to grip him harder on his hips, trying to tell him to leave a bruise.

It’s not until Tyson asks, panic creeping into his voice, “What are you doing?” that Nate realizes he’s undoing his own wrist-guard.

He pushes far into Tyson and rests their foreheads together. “I don’t want to _look_ , I just wanna feel you.” Tyson lets him kiss him a few times as his wrist-guard falls off, then he jerks his hips up into Nate and they start to move together again, Tyson guiding Nate’s hips with his right hand as Nate fumbles with Tyson’s wrist-guard, his face practically in Tyson’s stomach from not looking.

He knows he’s got it off when Tyson yells, “ _Fuck_!” at the slightest touch of Nate’s fingers. Trying to hold his wrist-guard free hand with his own, Nate fumbles and nearly tumbles off the bed with his arms crossed awkwardly before he can get his dick back anywhere near Tyson’s hole.

Tyson _tsk_ s loudly and drags Nate back over him, giving him several pecks on the lips before he turns and backs up against Nate’s chest. Nate’s dick rubbing up against Tyson’s ass snaps them back into the groove, Nate biting onto Tyson’s shoulder as he slides back into him. Working up a rhythm, his left hand traces down Tyson’s left arm until he winds his fingers through Tyson’s hand so that their inner wrists are touching.

He feels rather than hears Tyson’s sharp intake of breath, and Nate hears himself grunt out a yell, but none of it matters because their _soulmarks are touching_. Instead of the usual tingle or sharp jabs of pain, his soulmark feels like it’s on fire, electrifying pleasure that spreads through his entire body, his skin tingling as he keeps thrusting harder and faster into Tyson, and he feels Tyson moving against him, and the two of them are all that exists - he wants this feeling to last forever.

Tyson grips his hand tightly, says his name breathlessly, but Nate doesn’t stop and doesn’t close his eyes - gripping Tyson’s hand back tightly as he comes.

Even as they disentangle themselves, trying to get to their usual cuddling position, Nate won’t let go of Tyson’s hand. It feels too good to be connected like this, where their post-orgasm glow feels nearly as good as the orgasm itself. Their arms twist a little painfully as they adjust, but Tyson’s still gripping Nate’s hand as tightly as Nate’s gripping back. Once they’re face to face again they both lean forward to kiss, and their bodies manage to untwist their arms into a better position in the moments of distraction before they reconnect.

Pulling back to breathe, Nate says throatily, “I love you.”

Resting his forehead on Tyson’s he hears Tyson’s voice, quiet and warm, “I love you.”

\---

Nate tries not to think about the day he and Tyson went to get blizzards together before they both left for the summer, but he still manages it at least once a day. Sometimes he actually _does_ think about the literal blizzards, and at least three times a week he thinks about the sex, but mostly he thinks about after. He had been expecting them to either fall asleep or wait long enough to go another round, but they never did. They ended up watching the shadows grow longer holding each other, not really talking except to occasionally ask “You good?” or to ask if the other was cold or hot or if the blanket was covering him properly.

When Nate got the feeling that maybe they’d go another round _now,_ he would reach out and kiss Tyson, but even when Tyson was the one to reach out, they never got farther than more kissing. It ended up being enough, just to lay there, together.

He ends up thinking about that feeling a lot during the summer when he’s in the middle of a bunch of final wedding details. It ends up getting him through quite a few stressful situations, thinking of laying in bed, kissing Tyson with their soulmarks touching.

Except he doesn’t let himself think of it like that. He has to think of it like “the time Tyson and I got blizzards” because otherwise it hurts too much. It’s an agonizingly achy feeling he gets whenever he takes his wrist-guard off or puts it back on, noticing how much fainter the lines of Tyson’s name are. They’re still undoubtedly _there_ , but Nate knows they’re working on disappearing completely forever.

\---

Of all the wedding details he’s been dealing with, one thing Nate’s actually excited for is his bachelor party. There’s a group text that includes Sid, Gabe, Tyson, and EJ, and they’re all taking responsibility for various parts of the bachelor party. Gabe and EJ are doing most of the planning while they fight with Tyson and Nate about about there only being one bachelor party. They’re insisting on two, one for each of them, but neither Tyson or Nate think it’s necessary, since the weddings are so close together and they’ll all be in Denver. Tyson keeps bringing up that Nate’s wedding can basically act as his bachelor party, and everyone else in the chat objects, except for Nate, who never says anything to that. Sid doesn’t do much except give opinions and fight with Tyson over who’s really Nate’s best man, since both of them say Cox doesn’t really count, and they’re the only _people_ Nate asked to stand up for him.

The summer ends up going by extremely quickly, and with less stress than he was anticipating. Once he gets back to Denver with Jenna, though, reality really starts to set in, and he ends up trying to shower more than usual just for an excuse to take off his wrist-guard and look at the faded name. There’s not much time for it though, with everyone in town for what Jenna and Mary (and then Nate and Tyson’s entire family) keep calling “the dual weddings.” Nate likes having Tyson’s family there, but it’s kind of awkward during some group events because he gets along with them so much better than his actual future in-laws.

Luckily there aren’t any major incidents in the lead-up to the bachelor party. Nate and Tyson are only alone when they go to try on and pick up their tuxes, but it goes so smoothly they don’t get much farther than small talk - mostly about how their dads had already picked up their own tuxes together.

When Gabe and EJ descend on his house for the bachelor party, it feels like he can breathe again, even as they’re bodily shoving him into Gabe’s SUV. They pick up Tyson, getting him into the car with the same rough treatment, and everything is normal again. Nate spends the night drinking and partying excessively with his best friends, a bunch of his teammates, and a few family members. Since they were talked down from two bachelor parties to one, EJ, Gabe, and Sid went over the top so everywhere they go has a private room full of liquor, food, and attractive women. One - or maybe two - have attractive men there too, but that might just be a coincidence because they’re not at the strip club stops. It does kick his mood up more than a notch to see not just he and Tyson eyeing the men appreciatively, but also JT, Jost, and one of his just over 21 cousins, too.

During the planning, someone was chosen to make sure people keep drinking water, with Nate and Tyson each with one of their own cousins dedicated to making sure they stay hydrated. So Nate gets absolutely smashed and still plays all the bar games and the party bus games and dances ridiculously whenever someone pulls him onto the dance floor. At the end of the night, most everyone gets a lyft or drives home or back to their hotel from the lot their party bus picked them up in. Gabe sobered up in the last few hours, having taken over a shift of hydration duty, and he drives himself, EJ, Tyson, and Nate back to Nate’s house.

Once they get there, EJ’s snoring on the seat next to Tyson, who is humming a song from the last club they were at, and Nate’s trying to make sense of the buttons on his phone but isn’t sure the “I’m fine,” or “headed home” texts he’s meaning to send are coherent or sent to the right people. He assumes they know tonight was the bachelor party and that they’re all planning on crashing at his place. He must say it aloud because Gabe assures him the entire bridal party and family were let in on tonight’s details.

Tyson pushes EJ over as they pull into Nate’s driveway, and Nate watches as he walks straight into the first guest room while Gabe is still struggling to make sure EJ makes it in the house. Nate heads up to his own bedroom after sitting down on the couch for a bit. Or at least he thinks he actually sat down - maybe he just looked at the couch really hard and _thought_ about sitting down. He makes a goodnight sound in the direction of Gabe and EJ and doesn’t think anymore.

\---

When Nate wakes up, his headache is awful, even just lying down, and he really doesn’t want to know what it feels like upright. Except there’s a coffee smell and the sound of someone down in the kitchen tempting him. Instead of going down, he stays in bed, hands over his face, his wrist-guard awkward against his neck and chest. Undoing the clasps without thinking about it he drops his wrist-guard to look at his mark.

A pain ten times worse than his headache wallops him in the gut looking at it. At first he can’t even really see it, the mark is so faint with very thin lines. But he has the image memorized and knows where to look. He traces it with a finger, relishing the tingle, but thinking he could have drawn this on with a fine tipped pencil and it would be more prominent. Another day without Tyson, another day closer to the wedding and it’ll be gone - forever.

Nate’s never considered that the mark would disappear _before_ the wedding -he’s only been picturing it disappearing while he says “I do,” or signs the marriage certificate, Tyson standing up next to him as his best man, and that’s been painful _enough_ to imagine. What if it disappears as his family and new in-laws go to brunch? What if it’s paying the caterer? 

He’s not sure if he wants to throw up, scream, cry, go back to bed, or maybe start drinking again, but before he decides, his feet have taken him downstairs where Gabe is cheerfully making pancakes and bacon. EJ’s lying on the couch, a mug of coffee clutched to his chest, and Tyson’s sitting at the island, coffee in front of him, glaring at Gabe with his head in his hand. “Good morning, sunshine,” Gabe chirps at him, grabbing a mug and filling it for him.

Nate ignores him and the coffee he offers, walking around the kitchen aimlessly before he stops in a random corner. “I don’t want my soul mark to disappear,” he says, voice unsteady.

EJ groans loudly from the couch, “It doesn’t _disappear_ , it changes to match.”

Nate shakes his head, even as Gabe’s agreeing and he goes back to flip pancakes. “It’s really cool when it happens. Be excited!”

“No,” Nate blurts out much louder. “The name’s disappearing - _I don’t want it to_.”

“The name?” Gabe says at the same time as EJ’s “What?”

Tyson has both hands over his face now as he talks, “You don’t actually know if it’s going to completely disappear.” Nate doesn’t know if he can believe Tyson, but it hits him that his name must be faded too, and it’s like another gut punch.

“You have a name on your wrist?” EJ asks incredulously.

“You don’t know that it’s gonna disappear - names might be different than pictures.” Tyson says again, hands around his mug but his eyes shut.

Turning off the stove and walking casually to the island counter, Gabe calmly says, a patient look on his face. “No, I’m pretty sure they change - soul marks can count legally as a marriage certificate. Me and Mel had to fill some stuff out but forgot ours, and the lady looked at our marks instead - there was a spot on the form for it.”

“I _don’t want_ my soul mark to disappear,” Nate repeats, because it’s all he can say, even as he tries not to look at Tyson, who’s looking down at the countertop now.

He can feel Gabe frowning in his general direction, confused, but EJ says first, “Why not? You’ve got Jenna, and whoever’s on your wrist never showed up - sucks to be her.”

“No,” Nate says, EJ’s exasperation feeling like the walls caving in around him. “I know them, I know who’s on my wrist - I - “

“Nate, _don’t_.” Tyson says to the countertop.

“Hang on - “ Gabe interrupts, “What do you mean you _know_ \- “

“ _How_ do you know?” EJ butts in, still looking skeptical. 

Both of his teammates are staring incredulously at him when Nate glances back to Tyson, who looks as hungover, in pain, tired, and heartbroken as he feels. “I just do,” he says, “and I don’t want their name to disappear.”

Both EJ and Gabe still look curious, but they must give him up for hopeless, or still too drunk and go back to the counter to get pancakes. 

But Tyson speaks up. “Nate, you _knew_ it would go away, you knew as soon as we got engaged it would.” He looks directly at Nate then, and goes on, “I take off my guard at home so I can see it, so maybe it’ll be stuck in my head like that when it’s gone.” He’s up now and pacing, a little bit behind the bar stools. “But it doesn’t _matter_ because-”

“It matters to me,” Nate chokes out, fixated on Tyson.

He turns and his face is still frustrated, but soft, like it always is, looking at Nate. “But it doesn’t _matter_ because you don’t stop loving someone when their name’s not on your wrist anymore.”

Nate takes a step towards him, “But I _don’t want it to be gone_.” 

“Holy shit,” EJ blurts out, “are you fucking kidding me?”

Gabe looks between Nate and Tyson, his brow furrowed, “Are you guys… soulmates?”

Nate looks at Tyson before he answers and sees him exhale, reaching for his own wrist-guard. “Yeah,” Nate answers, watching Tyson undo the clasps at his wrist.

Standing with his mouth open, EJ walks to Tyson and tries to look over his shoulder, but Tyson elbows him in the gut. “I should be surprised,” Gabe says, a smile forming, “but I’m not.”

His wrist-guard off, Tyson doesn’t move to show EJ or Gabe or him his wrist, just stands stationary, looking back at Nate. “What do you want me to do? I don’t want them to disappear but they’re going to.”

He’s shaking his head, walking toward Tyson when EJ says, “The only thing that would work would be calling off the weddings.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Gabe chimes in, “If you don’t want the marks to go away you can’t get married to other people.”

Nate stops a barstool or two away from Tyson, his chest tight and nervous, and as he locks eyes with Tyson he suddenly wishes they were alone for this conversation. “Tys… what d’you think?”

Tyson lets out a huffy laugh, “I think we should’ve put some Bailey’s in this coffee.” Nate chuckles and moves forward to stand right in front of him. Then he shrugs and says quietly, “I don’t know, dogg.”

“I don’t - I can’t lose you,” Nate says quietly.

He shakes his head, “You won’t lose me even if I’m not on your wrist.”

“But I want all of you,” Nate says, realizing the truth of it as he says it. “I want you on my wrist and everywhere else.”

Tyson watches Nate a few seconds and then he looks at his soulmark for more than a few seconds. “We can’t always get what we want,” he says, quietly, his voice croaky.

There’s no air left in the room, and Nate’s not even sure he’s standing, or if he’s conscious. He feels like he’s viewing Tyson and the rest of the world through a fog, because that’s what it is - Tyson and then the rest of the world; he wants to tell Tyson that, but everything is fuzzy and buzzy. “I only want you,” he says, his voice louder and croakier than Tyson’s, and he might be crying too - crap - he has to explain. “I only - it’s _us_ , and it’s always _been_ us, and - this whole thing… it’s supposed to be us, together, first.”

“Nate -” Tyson’s holding both of his arms, keeping him steady.

“I won,” he remembers suddenly, “and I just want you.”

His brow furrows a second and then he laughs, releasing him and wiping a tear of his own. “That’s not really what I meant.”

Then they both start laughing, and eventually Nate can see EJ banging around in his cabinets as Gabe nonchalantly eats a stack of pancakes. “There’s Bailey’s on top of the fridge,” he says, sidling up next to Tyson, leaning against the counter together.

“Great, but I need whiskey to deal with you idiots.”

“”It’s in the…” Nate thinks.

“She moved it under the sink,” Tyson answers him.

Gabe chuckles into his coffee and EJ bangs a few more cabinets for good measure.

“I don’t know what any of that,” Gabe waves a hand in their general direction, “meant, but I’m supposed to pick up the wedding present we bought you later today.” He looks from Nate and Tyson to EJ drinking coffee, smirking. “But if I can just take a nap I will.”

Tyson sighs loudly, nudging Nate and looking sideways at him. “You know I was talking about sex, right?”

“Yeah,” Nate grins.

“And you kind of already used it.”

Nate turns indignantly to him, then sees that he’s smirking. “You liked it.” EJ makes a retching noise, and Nate can tell Gabe’s rolling his eyes by his groan. Now Nate sighs loudly, “Tys, do you want my name to disappear?”

“No.”

“Is it going to anyway?”

Tyson leans into Nate’s side, “Only if you want it to.”

“I don’t want my soulmark to disappear,” Nate repeats, smiling.

“We know,” Gabe says curtly.

“Well,” EJ says, “at least we had the bachelor party before you called off both of your weddings.”

“You guys should call Jenna and Mary before you have engagement sex,” Gabe reasons, piling his dishes in the sink.

EJ’s making a face at them when Tyson’s phone goes off, and he picks it up without moving out of Nate’s arms. “Hey babe,” he answers. “Yeah, I’m still at Nate’s.” He’s silent, listening to Mary’s voice, his expression more and more confused. “Wait, start over, use words that make sense,” he says slowly into the phone, and then his expression gets more and more pinched as he listens. “Oh my god, are you sure?” Tyson listens again and his face lights up in amusement. “No, that’s great - really - it’s okay, the same kinda thing happened to me too.” He listens closely, smiling, then says, “Yeah, full story later. Okay. Bye, love you.”

Nate has his eyebrows raised at Tyson as he hangs up, and he says, “Habit, sorry.”

“So how’s Mary?” Nate asks instead.

“Really good - totally fine calling off the wedding…. She found Rachel.”

“Who’s Rachel?” Gabe asks.

“None of your business. Nate, call Jenna,” Tyson says, kissing Nate quickly on the cheek before going over to the stove for pancakes.

\---

The rest of the day is long and awkward, and Nate and Tyson don’t actually get to spend any real time alone together. After EJ and Gabe are sober enough to leave, Jenna comes in, and she and Nate end up fighting for a solid hour and a half - which Tyson uses as an opportunity to take Cox on a walk. Then their families come over, and explaining is really awkward, even though Sarah and Victoria are thrilled by the news. Somewhere in the course of the conversation the problem everyone is discussing changes from “I can’t believe you’re both calling off your wedding,” to “I can’t believe you two are soulmates and we didn’t figure it out,” to “it’s a shame there are two weddings paid for that aren’t happening.”

“ _Well_ ,” Tyson says at one point, looking over at Nate and flushing red.

He doesn’t finish what he was going to say, but Nate jumps in, “We can still have the receptions. It’s still a bunch of food and an open bar.”

“Yeah,” Tyson agrees, squeezing Nate’s hand surreptitiously. “Everybody’s already here, why not?” 

Jenna’s still pretty mad at Nate, so she stays away from both Nate and Tyson’s houses, but Mary’s just as comfortable as ever in either house, and with Sarah and Victoria’s help, they figure out the new guest lists and what last minute errands can be ignored and which still need to get done.

“You still want to get married, don’t you?” Nate asks Tyson much later that night when they’re in bed.

“Well we could,” Tyson says stubbornly. “We planned weddings and all of our family and friends are here.”

Nate doesn’t respond right away, burying his face into Tyson’s shoulder, giving him intermittent kisses in the silence. He mumbles a few different noises into Tyson’s skin, but none of them are words.

Hand in Nate’s hair, Tyson adds sweetly, “We have two honeymoons booked.”

Nate makes a happy noise then, and he pulls himself up to Tyson’s face. “Okay, but you have to tell Sid he’s my best man.”

Tyson groans loudly in annoyance, then they’re laughing, and then they’re kissing, and it’s all settled.

\---

In the end, Nate’s wedding is just a giant party, but Tyson’s wedding is _their_ wedding, and it turns out to be an even _bigger_ party. Through everything, the thing that keeps Nate smiling through the chaotic week until their wedding, through talking to literally everyone he knows, prying hotel staff around the island honeymoon suite, and the entire NHL breathing down their necks, is Tyson smiling next to him, and Tyson’s name, permanent and bold, on his wrist.

**Author's Note:**

> *waves hand around vaguely* I hope you liked it! Writing this was... different for me. I'm just gonna leave it at that.
> 
> Please leave a comment and/or a kudo if you enjoyed it! Like I said to Ashley, I can't tell if I love or hate this fic, so if we could get a general consensus going, that would be great. Oh, and let me know if we know or you have better ideas on what kind of blizzard Nate actually likes. I took a stab in the dark and asked no one.


End file.
